I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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