some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize