i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
