college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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