Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
