And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
