i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
