He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
