Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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