somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are my feet made of real feet?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
