I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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