You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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