My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
