the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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