Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
