How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
