I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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