I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
