If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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