I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
