Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
