this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
