Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My feet surprised me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
