We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
