Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i already hear my dad disowning me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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