Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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