Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
