I can tuck mytits in my pants
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
