my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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