it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who died my cat blue again?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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