so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
