Screwed.edu
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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