Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
