is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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