Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
