my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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