Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
