had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
