why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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