I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
