just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
