apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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