I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
