Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
