Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
