So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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