I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
