Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize