its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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