Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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