Apparently you make a good broom.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
