Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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