I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
