Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
