based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
