We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
These tits shall not be calmed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
