Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Alive.
So much puke
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
