Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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