I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
