hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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