Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
