i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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