I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
