I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
