If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
