I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
