My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize