Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
