Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
