I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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