david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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