i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
