so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
