at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
