just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
