Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
