definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
