See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
