I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
