My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
