that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
