Reggie can tackle my bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
