yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
