Quick, to the slutcave!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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