just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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