woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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