I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize