maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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