my being single is dangerous.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
