Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
