I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Girls should come with a carfax report
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
