The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
