Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
