On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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