his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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