There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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