his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize