I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
