I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
