She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
